Emotions

The old-one knew that at one time he was different. He knew he had all the emotions; Love, sorrow, surprise, fear, anger, hate, empathy, sympathy, and the myriad of other emotions that are combinations of one or more of those like jealousy, pity, greed. The old-one sat there on his rack, thinking, trying to devise a way where he could begin to use these new emotions without having the all the beings around him notice these changes.

Was it possible for him to accomplish this act of self-reconstruction and to give himself an emotional face-lift, without the herd noticing? He thought he could answer the questions of those who asked him what was different or what they perceived as different in him. He asked himself those same questions as he had done a thousand times before.

The old-one shivered. Fear came into his mind, fear of what might happen to him. Would these changes have a positive effect on him and those around him, or would the old-one be laying his soul open for all those beings in the herd to snipe and taunt him? He took a deep breath and let out a sigh. He would ask the sorceress where he should begin.

He knew deep in his heart, to begin he would have to rid his soul of the shadows and destroy the demon-child that dwelt in him without destroying himself in the process.

The old-one began to relax a little. A plan, a diagram, a blueprint for the old one’s self-reconstruction was what he needed to formulate. Gradually from the cellar of his mind, the old-one thought, he could no longer be exoteric he had to become esoteric. He had to not look into himself, but look at himself from the inside out. He sat on his rack, thinking, he had been hurt and betrayed, and he had hurt himself. He felt sorrow for his actions and for those he had hurt and he felt the grief deep within his soul.

Sorrow, the old-one could understand sorrow but not the misery that had him spiraling out of control plunging his soul into melancholy, desolation tormented him, and despondency turned all reason inside out. Yet, he could understand why this melancholy was within him. He was both pleased and surprised at this new revelation. He sat back, rested his body as he had done a thousand times before, and began the journey to repair his life.