I awoke this morning as I do every morning, but this morning I awoke to the sound of rain, and thought how dreary the day is going to be. I looked about my bedroom and saw nothing had changed, the laundry hamper full of boxers and t-shirts my usual daily wear. A set of grey sheets that I was supposed to put on the bed 2 weeks ago but like many chores and duties in my life they get put off simply because I lose interest or they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things in my life.
I made a breakfast. A pitiful serving of grits, toast, and coffee. Then I doled out my pills, the ones I take in the morning I dropped in the cap of the blue pill container and the others I have with dinner in the bottom. I dumped the pills from the top into my hand threw them into my mouth and gulped them down with a glass of water and away they went down my gullet. I put the top on the container and tossed it into the box containing all my pill bottles.
I had my breakfast, it was disappointing though. I didn’t stir the grits enough and sadly, there were lumps in the grits. After I go shopping and buy some shrimp, I will have shrimp and grits for breakfast. And before you say anything, about it, why not I am alone, there is no one here, but me, so why not have shrimp and grits for breakfast and hey why not a ribeye steak for dinner once in awhile.
As I sat at my desk, catching up on FB, Twitter, and checking my email. I dozed off; I do that a lot I have sleep apnea so this happens all the time. While I was asleep, a thick blanket of fog rolled in from Lake Erie shrouding everything from my view.
The thick white fog outside my window cut me off from the world. There was nothing to see outside my window; no grass, no sidewalk, no street, no cars, no buildings, I was alone, completely alone, and this wasn’t the first time. Even on days when there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun shone brightly on my face. I knew this feeling, you know it too, that one pair of socks, or that sweater, that pair of raggedy jeans with all the holes, they feel so good when you wear them that’s what this fog felt like. It had come just as an old friend had come to visit me. I believe that sometimes depression, like fog will blanket you, cutting you off, blinding you, from all you know, and love.
Take heed, there are more of you in this world suffering from this fog of melancholy than you can imagine. You are not alone, because this fog of melancholy cares not who it covers nor who it blinds and it always goes away when the sun begins to shine in the mind and burns away this fog.